The Four Agreements

So I was watching the show Barry and in season 2 a certain character mentioned the book "The Four Agreements” and I had to pause and look it up to see if it was real. Sadly the book "Hit Your Mark and Say Your Lines” by Gene Cousineau isn't real but it turned out "The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz is very much real so I went ahead and hit buy now.

The book was pretty short so this review will be as well.

Introduction

The preamble and introduction begin by explaining who the Toltec were and about a man who had a dream. Not a dream like MLK had, but rather a dream one might have if they ate a bunch of strange mushrooms and slept in a cave. It's honestly kind of hard to follow but essentially the Toltec were a group of people who lived thousands of years ago in southern Mexico who were known as "The men and women of knowledge”. Their stories and the four agreements have been passed down by word of mouth (and now a book) ever since. I’m not going to try and summarize "The smokey mirror” because I don't think I could properly represent it.

Chapter one is where things start to get interesting and it covers the concept of agreements as the author and the Toltec understand them. Simply put, anything that has been told to you and you don't question or push back on is essentially an agreement. These agreements start from the moment we are born and are solidified throughout childhood from parents and schools. The agreements we have aren’t inherently bad, though many are, and many if not most of them we haven't given any second thought to. We treat many of these agreements as if they were law and we punish ourselves if we don't follow through with this unwritten law. The four agreements push ourselves to question everything we think to know to be true and to find our own truth and happiness.

After what to me felt like far too many words even for such a short book we finally get to the actual four agreements the Toltec believe will help redefine our lives and help us find heaven on earth.

The First Agreement - Be Impeccable with your word.

This can be summarized as words are powerful. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Many cultures and religions have a strong basis that words are powerful. My witchy readers might understand that spells are just words with intent and a prayer is nothing more than putting our words out into the universe. For the more scientific of you, you have almost certainly heard therapists speaking about not using negative self-talk as it has a measurable impact on one's mental health.

Use your words wisely and use them only for good.

The Second Agreement - Don’t take anything personally

This is another key concept in most mental health teachings. For one, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves and their own problems to actually think about you in the first place. And even if they do say something, be it kind or mean, it's more likely to be projection than not. If a random person on the street comes up to you and says "Hey you look stupid” it says much about them and almost nothing about you. All their opinions of you are only a result of their own programming or agreements they have with themself. The comedian Jimmy Carr has a great bit that offense can only be taken, not given. And I think that fits very well with this concept. If you are impeccable with your word and know who you are and what you stand for, others’ opinions won't bother you. Their opinions can only give you insight into them, not into yourself.

The Third Agreement - Don’t make assumptions

Not only should we not take anything personally, we ourselves shouldn't make any assumptions about others. This is a long-winded chapter to say "When you assume you make an ass out of you and me” but it's a classic saying for a reason. This chapter takes it a little deeper and also asks that we not make assumptions about ourselves. Just because we have done it before doesn't mean this time will be easier. If we truly make no assumptions then we are much less likely to be upset when something doesn't go like we thought it would.

The Fourth Agreement - Always do your best

I will start off by saying, this is not saying always be perfect, but rather it is very literally, always do your best. Your best in the morning will be different from your best late at night when you are tired. But always do your best and if you have made no assumptions and don't take anything personally then you should be able to find peace with anything you do, knowing that it was your best.

Conclusion

It's hard to say whether you will like this book or not. The reviews online vary between "This book changed my life” and "This is nothing but mumbo jumbo” and honestly it really is a bit of both. The core concepts of these agreements have basis in all major religions and science though it's very possible to read this and think "No duh”. Still overall I would say it doesn't hurt to read and to try to put this into practice. It's a very quick read and once you get into the actual agreements the author does a decent job of giving real world examples and explaining them in more depth than my summary here.